The Electronic Kiss Off

My brother in law Jeff (who gives me tons of great material for this site) told me yesterday about this article in the Wall Street Journal on how difficult it is to completely sever ties these day (especially of the romantic sort) in the age of technology. Whether it's a 5 year relationship or just a few awkward dates from an online site, one has to remove the ex from cell phones, instant messanger buddy lists, friendster (not to mention changing status back to 'single' from 'in a relationship) among other things. And this is also true of former friends, and even the occaisional overbearing acquatinance. I recently blocked an old friend who I no longer see or talk to on the phone from my email. She was sending me forwards, which is annoying, plus they were religious. So, she's blocked.

This gave us the idea for the auto-reply. You know when you are out of work and you can set your email to tell people you are away? Or have you ever received a spam-filter reply saying your message can't go through because the recipient doesn't have you in their secure list? Well, maybe these ideas could somehow combine. Wouldn't it be great if you could set your email and other electronics so that your bad date, crazy ex, or annoying cousing or not-so-friendly friend could receive an automatic "out of my life" reply? Maybe one of these would work:

Re: Automated "Out of My Life" Reply

Hello. Thanks for your message. Sorry, but we are no longer friends/lovers/dates/co-workers/relatives or in some other way bonded. I appreciate your persistence, but can no longer help you with any inquiries. If you need immediate help, please contact a more current friend/lover/date/co-worker or relative.

Re:Relationship Spam Filter

The message you are sending has been blocked due to the fact that the recipient wishes to sever your relationship. Should you wish to change this status...well, sorry, you cant.

Any techies have advice on setting this up?

A true member of our family knows how to sleep, and make it look good 

Words cannot describe 

Ready for her close up 

She's so tiny! 

By Request

I was trying to hold off on inundating everyone with pictures of my niece (aka: cutest baby alive). However, you asked for it, so here they are. More non-baby related blog content soon.
Enjoy!

Welcome Charley! 

Charley is here!

For the past nine months, I have been eagerly awaiting my new role as an aunt. Yesterday, it happened. My niece was born, and I am officially convinced that she is the best baby ever born. Cute, sweet, tiny and a 9 on the apgar scale. She weighs 7 lbs, 3 oz and is 20.5 inches long (pretty tall for a member of our family). Mom and baby are doing great. Holding her was the most amazing experience I have ever felt. Who knew you could instantly love someone? Happy Birthday Charley!

Brokebat Mountain.  

Late Night Snack

Have you ever heard that joke where someone says they dreamt of eating a huge marshmallow and when they woke up their pillow was gone? Allow me to tell an embarrassing, yet entertaining story of this nature.

First, I must mention that I sometimes sleep with wax earplugs. They drown out background noise, snoring and generally help me sleep soundly. Monday night I put my earplugs in my hand as my girlfriend and I were going to sleep. We talked for a while, and I fell asleep without putting in the earplugs.

Then, in the middle of the night I woke up. I was still half asleep and I noticed I could hear some snoring. So I thought to myself I should put in my earplugs. Turning my attention to my hand, I realized they were missing. Where could they be?

It was then that I reached another level of being awake and I suddenly realized I was CHEWING on something.

Yes, I ate my wax earplugs in my sleep. I immediately shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom to spit the remaining wax out.

What would make me do this? Why would I put them in my mouth, never mind chew and swallow some? From now on, no foreign objects smaller than a breadbox in the bed.

Have you ever eaten something unintentional in your sleep? Gum in your hair is one thing, but this is a bit out of hand.

Snow is everywhere (even underground)!

In addition to the beautiful, sunny weather we are experiencing, it has come to my attention that the city puts a lot of effort into 'alternative' methods of snow melting. Last night, as I waited for the subway, I heard the train coming through the tunnel. While usually a good sign, the accompanying horn-honking told me that this was the train I dread: the garbage train. My girlfriend has also deemed it the "N" as in "never-getting-home" train. I hate this train because not only is it a tease, but it smells up the station (yuck!). However, yesterday's train was not full of trash. It was full, instead, of SNOW! I guess they were moving it to one of the official snow piles in order to start the melting process with the municipal industrial snow melters.

Insert crass halfpipe joke here. 

I Heart the Olympics

The Winter Olympics are back, and I have been appropriately anchored to the couch through snowboarding, speedskating, curling, hockey, pairs figure skating and downhill skiing so far. Appearing again (after its debut in the summer Olympics of 2004) is Hot Olympians. Today's feature is snowboarder and medal winner (not just a kournikova beauty without the skills) Gretchen Bleiler. Check her out above or on the official olympics website for video of her awesome halfpipe run yesterday.

This is one sexy burger! 

Superbowl Highlight

To be honest, I didn't watch the entire Superbowl. I watched a little less than one quarter. I was feeling under the weather, and let's face it..I really only went to that Superbowl party to see my friends, not the game. I also usually like the commercials. The best of the bunch that I saw had to be what I'd like to call the "dance of the whopperettes," featuring five leggy beauties dressed up as burger ingredients in order to sell Whoppers. The crowd at our party went from being confused (is that woman dressed as a tomato slice?), to grossed out (is that woman dressed as a processed burger patty?eww!), to slightly aroused as we saw woman after woman pile atop one another, finally "topped" by the sesame seed bun. Actually, it seemed like the ingredients were doing all the work. Maybe she's more of a "bottom" bun.

Baby Shower Covered by National Press

This past weekend, I helped throw a baby shower for my sister. A good time was had by all, and no one had to wear a ribbon hat or use the words "poopy diaper." For a full recount of the events, you can go to the Chicago-Sun Times. How's that for coverage? I like how I am now officially the "lesbian sister." I'm off to get that printed on t-shirts now.

Will you be mine? 

Oh Valentine! 

A Great Combination

Finally, I can combine my disdain for valentine with my absolute love of all things SVU. Thank you internet!

January 24 really sucks (and it's not just me!)

See, it's not just that you hate your job/friends/house/lunch/fill in the blank...today is the Most Depressive Day of the Year, according to UK researchers. So forget getting therapy or taking medicine, just get through today and tomorrow can't feel this bad.
Thanks to my friend Alyssa for sending me this info.